Fostering Independence And Routines At Home
How are children developing independence during online learning? The home environment is starkly different from school. Children tend to be more comfortable depending and receiving care from adults at home. When the home turns into school, where should the lines be drawn in order to foster their independence?
As a parent or caregiver, we might feel a sense of accomplishment in meeting the endless demands of our children. While it may be exhausting in itself, it can also be quite rewarding to feel needed, keeping in mind that one of our roles as a parent is to prepare our child for an independent, self-sufficient life. If we find ourselves often stepping in quickly to help, we may be communicating that our child is helpless and incapable. It might then be useful to ask how long we can let our children be dependent upon us.
How can we strike a balance between nurturing and fostering independence by facilitating competence and confidence?
Establishing routines: Setting regular routines at home, in the morning and after online school finishes helps children organize their time and identify responsibilities for themselves. This also builds confidence and self-esteem. A morning routine can include waking on time, grooming and breakfast. After remote school ends a young child or teenager can decide on a routine for rest, nourishment, recreation and family time. Giving a child or teenager the autonomy to organize their time and follow-through, will help them build a sense of responsibility and self-confidence.
Taking a step back: Children cannot develop independence if we continue to hover and control their learning. When we step back and allow them to drive their learning, they are more likely to find their passion and tap into their intrinsic motivation to learn. Gravity Goldberg, rightly mentions in her book, Mindsets and Moves, “how important it is to step back so students can step forward”. She goes on to say that, “until students have the sense of autonomy they cannot be fully engaged”. It is crucial to give your child space to explore, get bored, be curious and rediscover their interests. As parents, it can be difficult to see children struggle and express distress. It may be quicker and easier if we jump in and resolve issues. However, allowing them to explore and understand their difficulties can push them forward in problem-solving skills and build grit.
Identify opportunities: As primary caregivers, parents can help identify responsibilities children can complete by themselves. Asking children which duties he/she can take on is likely to increase their willingness to try. Give children meaningful chores. Many children would rather help with cooking, shopping for groceries than wash dishes. Children feel a sense of belonging when they know they can make a real contribution.
Use encouragement and forget perfection: Encouragement helps children feel a sense of belonging so that the motivation for misbehaving will be eliminated. A great way to help children feel encouraged is to spend special time with them, doing something you can enjoy together. Children may not do a task as well as adults. A simple task such as cleaning up can be done without constant criticism and with the assurance that they have the ability to do it. Encourage all first attempts and be sensitive to their feelings.
Children are good perceivers but poor interpreters: In order to foster independence, clear expectations with children are needed. Breaking down a task with a time frame in mind helps children not feel rushed and confused. Simplifying larger goals into smaller achievable goals can also help children feel more confident in accomplishing them. Modelling this behaviour for children can be a great teaching tool for parents.
Connecting with your child: Validating your child’s feelings can help you create a healthy rapport where they feel significant and are willing to open up and work together. While fostering children to become emotionally sensitive and independent individuals, parents will benefit from setting aside time to connect with children. Family time would be a great time to boost their self-esteem and get children to feel significant and positive. This time can be great to celebrate gaining independence.
Considering circumstances
If children are tired, sick, or overwhelmed with adjusting to a change, it may not be the time to introduce new routines/responsibilities. However, in other circumstances, routines can help a child deviate from a negative thought-cycle and look into practical ways to manage themselves. It is normal if they regress, wanting you to do a task after they’ve mastered it. Temporarily sharing the load can help them bounce back more quickly than if you criticize them.
Children grow up so quickly before we even realize it. Yet we can still savour the moments while also preparing them for the future.
 (1)_20240608132217_original_image_2.webp)
